I wish I'd known ten years ago that recovery gets this good

A "yes, it's possible" post for anyone who's struggling with an eating disorder.

Like many people with eating disorders, for years I struggled with shopping. Trying on clothes, especially revealing clothes, was always really triggering, and I had ED rules about what sizes I had to wear. Needless to say, swimsuit shopping was the worst. I remember clearly the last two times I bought a swimsuit - both of them ended in a panic attack.

But the swimsuit that I bought eight (yes, eight - I wear my clothes until they disintegrate) years ago is starting to fall apart, so I needed a new one.

I went to the mall and found several swimsuits in a sports store. Having no idea what size I wore, I chose one in each size and started trying them on. When I found one that seemed to fit well, I came out of the fitting room to ask the saleswoman her opinion on the fit. I then chose the colour I liked best, bought the swimsuit, and spent the next hour searching the mall for the other things I needed. No anxiety, no tears, no body-image crises. I'm really excited to wear my new swimsuit at the pool!

A few years ago, buying a swimsuit was terrifying and actually rather traumatic. Yesterday's shopping trip was a non-event. I needed a swimsuit, so I bought one. It was that easy.

For anyone who is where I was ten years ago, yes - you can get here too. Recovery isn't just being able to deal with things despite the eating disorder thoughts. Recovery is what happens when those thoughts are gone, and when it only enters your mind in the form of "wow, look what I can do now." It's living life normally. Yes, it gets this good.